Ok, so this summer got off on not such a great foot. I've dealt with so many issues and had so many things on my mind that for a while I thought I might explode if all the stress and worry didn't go away somehow. The issues of this summer from a pending divorce of an amazing woman I know and love with all my heart to issues with an annoying rude little brother, these things have not gone away and i don't see them anytime soon. But I know that God loves me and is looking out for everything in my life, and that there is a reason all this has to happen now.
Have you ever noticed now people driving in cities (i guess anywhere) have this weird thing of looking at those passing with hard faces and inability or stop? I know I'm guilty of this from time to time, but usually if i think i know the person in the other car. the other day this guy just kept looking so i moved lanes and he followed and sped up to look again... I was so creep ed out that at the next light i turned last minute.
This amazing woman in my life is going through a divorce and i want to be near her as much as possible, but i cant for many reasons. the situation sucks and i wish i could go back and fix everything, but i know it happened for a reason. shes going to find someone that deserves her and will truly love her with all his heart and not just that little corner. She is so strong even though at times she doesn't think so, and shes always putting her children first. i wish i could find the words to tell her shes on of my biggest heroes, right next to our mother and grandparents. i know someday ill have the courage to open up, i just hope its not to late.
With everything that's been going on and all the lessons being thrown in my face this summer and past year, Ive realized that i need to be more open, let people in, trust, and love more in my life. I dont want to look back and wonder what happened or what could have been but like so many people I'm terrified of what happens when i show how i feel to others. doing so has gotten me hurt many times and for the most part by people that has told me they love me and want the best for me. I know everyone has harder struggles then i do, but right now it feels like the worlds out to get me and theres nothing i can do but trust that those around me and open myself up to them and their help.
